Are you there, God?

Today was the closest I've ever come to a religious experience.

After reading the reviews in the Lonely Planet book that Deniz gave me for my birthday (yes! I am living in a city and depending on a guidebook!), I decided to check out three flea markets today. Having been to Europe before, I know that not much goes on Sundays, and I didn't want to sit around all day sipping coffee. I enjoy my sleep during the night, thank you.

I biked there on the Bianchi, which in case I haven't mentioned it, is a beautiful salmony pinkish orangish GIRLS road bike that I've taken out a few times. The wheels are going flat, though, which makes it much harder to get around. Berlin may be flat, but it is extremely large.

The ride there was less than pleasant. I had to pull over to the side of the road a few times to look at my map, and that's embarassing and inconvenient for the others biking around me. Plus, it was raining -- Berlin rains about once every four hours, which is fine because it's still warm, but I was having vision-trouble. What I expected to be about 15 minutes turned into 40 minutes, and because I was lost for 2 hours last night, I am hyper paranoid about following directions.

Right as I arrived, the sun came out. There were tons of people there, and everyone was eating french fries, drinking beer, and laying around on the grass. As I navigated through the crowd, I started catching glimpses of the items that were for sale at each booth. I was actually hyperventilating. Kitschy knick-knacks, vintage furniture, 1970's electronics, piles of clothes, bins full of lace, handmade jewelry, records records records, tables lined with shoes, screen printed shirts, old china, and organic soaps. I actually found a table full of cameras, from which I pulled out a Spectra, EXACTLY like the one I have at home!

'Gefällt er dir?'

I was wandering around, talking to myself, and letting out the sort of moans where a passerby couldn't tell if I was in horrible pain or a fit of pleasure. I started feeling really emotional there -- I felt like, if there was a God, and he designed a place where I would feel really content, this would be it.

Not that I would have impressed him enough to deserve such a thing.

What made me feel so unstable is that there must be a place like that for most people on earth, since we base our desires primarily on experience or outer influence, I think. I started thinking about how most people will not find the place that makes them feel like this. It just made me feel so unbelieveably grateful. It was a bit existential for a fucking flea market, but I am very happy. I have the feeling right now like I do when I develop a crush on a person, but this is for an entire city. Kind of like, 'Oh fuck. This is going to end up being inconvenient.'