Are you there, God?

Today was the closest I've ever come to a religious experience.

After reading the reviews in the Lonely Planet book that Deniz gave me for my birthday (yes! I am living in a city and depending on a guidebook!), I decided to check out three flea markets today. Having been to Europe before, I know that not much goes on Sundays, and I didn't want to sit around all day sipping coffee. I enjoy my sleep during the night, thank you.

I biked there on the Bianchi, which in case I haven't mentioned it, is a beautiful salmony pinkish orangish GIRLS road bike that I've taken out a few times. The wheels are going flat, though, which makes it much harder to get around. Berlin may be flat, but it is extremely large.

The ride there was less than pleasant. I had to pull over to the side of the road a few times to look at my map, and that's embarassing and inconvenient for the others biking around me. Plus, it was raining -- Berlin rains about once every four hours, which is fine because it's still warm, but I was having vision-trouble. What I expected to be about 15 minutes turned into 40 minutes, and because I was lost for 2 hours last night, I am hyper paranoid about following directions.

Right as I arrived, the sun came out. There were tons of people there, and everyone was eating french fries, drinking beer, and laying around on the grass. As I navigated through the crowd, I started catching glimpses of the items that were for sale at each booth. I was actually hyperventilating. Kitschy knick-knacks, vintage furniture, 1970's electronics, piles of clothes, bins full of lace, handmade jewelry, records records records, tables lined with shoes, screen printed shirts, old china, and organic soaps. I actually found a table full of cameras, from which I pulled out a Spectra, EXACTLY like the one I have at home!

'Gefällt er dir?'

I was wandering around, talking to myself, and letting out the sort of moans where a passerby couldn't tell if I was in horrible pain or a fit of pleasure. I started feeling really emotional there -- I felt like, if there was a God, and he designed a place where I would feel really content, this would be it.

Not that I would have impressed him enough to deserve such a thing.

What made me feel so unstable is that there must be a place like that for most people on earth, since we base our desires primarily on experience or outer influence, I think. I started thinking about how most people will not find the place that makes them feel like this. It just made me feel so unbelieveably grateful. It was a bit existential for a fucking flea market, but I am very happy. I have the feeling right now like I do when I develop a crush on a person, but this is for an entire city. Kind of like, 'Oh fuck. This is going to end up being inconvenient.'

I was just at the grocery store, and some punk buying one beer got everyone in the huge line to let him in front of them. Smooth talking.

Berlin

My first few days in Berlin have been really relaxing. I'm still jet lagged, but only because everyone in my new house stays up until all hours of the night. Last night I went to bed early, which was 2am, and everyone else was still awake. For some reason, though, I still woke up at 3pm today.
The nights have been really full. It's been incredibly nice, but I think it will tone down now, because Ruth and Johannes went to Norway for two weeks.
1st Day: I arrived at about noon, with one of my bags missing. I got to the house, showered, then went to a big thrift store with Ruth and Johannes. They went to another store, I went home and slept for an hour. We, Lea, and Wilko all ate dinner together, then went to a bar to play foosball and ping pong.
2nd Day: Woke up at 3pm, then went exploring by myself. I walked around an area called Ostkreuz, and found an internet cafe. Came home and everyone made dinner again. After a while, Ruth, Johannes, and I went to a bar on the canal, where we sat on a dock and chatted for a few hours. We came home, and I talked to Johannes alone for a bit, for the first time since I met him four years ago.
3rd Day: Woke up really late again. Read all day and listened to music, for the first time in months. I thought it would be kind of depressing, but it wasn't. Then everyone made dinner together again, and a guy from Spain came over to eat with us. He was really nice, he talked to me a lot, and I found it way easier to understand him than the native speakers.
Today: Woke up two hours ago. Took a quick shower, then went to the shopping center to buy some food, then wen to an electronics store, only to discover that they don't sell adapters for american electronics. At least I got the courage up to ask someone, though, after only 20 minutes in the store.

All in all, it's been fantastic so far. The girls I live with now want to keep living together, which is really cool. They're looking at a few places right now -- one has 4 bedrooms, and the others have 3. If they get the 4 br, I get to move into the 4th. If not, I can look on a website to find some new roommates, which would be fine also. I've been speaking a lot of German, of course, even though my roommates can all speak English really well, and because I'm using my fucking brain so much, I'm constantly exhausted.

I have the use of Ruth's computer now, since she's in Norway, so I'll be online a bit more. I can't use the internet here, because no one knows the password.

Zweite Tag in Berlin, Germany

So, after an exciting night out with my current roommates, I woke up at 3pm. I realized, however, that this would be a legitimate time to wake up were I in California (6am). I am currently sitting in an internet cafe, the number on the timer threateningly decreasing as each minute passes.

Since I don't have very much time, I just want to let everyone know how much I love it here. It's absolutely beautiful, I have my own room already, and my roommates are sweet and helpful. Thankfully, there hasn't been much time to miss anyone yet, except the more obvious people.

Last days on earth.

My time on earth is coming to a close. This isn't necessarily true -- it's not a suicide threat or anything -- but I always have to convince myself I'm fine with dying before I step on an airplane. Since the first time I flew at age five, I have been terrified of flying. The weird thing is that no one ever told me it was dangerous or scary; I've just always had a bad feeling about it.

The time I've spent in Sacramento has been wonderful. The weather's been great, I've been going to visit my grandparents' every afternoon, spending the evenings with my parents, then hanging out with Hollis at night. We've gone on some epic bike rides. Tuesday, Troy, Hollis, and I were at her house watching a documentary on conjoined twins. When we all left on our bikes, Troy walked outside and said, "Oh my God, it's raining!"
Hollis said, "Haha."
"No, I'm serious, dude. It's raining."
"Sometimes if you stand under the air conditioner, it feels like it's sprinkling."
"No, I'm in the middle of the street. It's raining."
Raining it was, and the droplets were accompanied by lightening. Hollis and I chased the lightening to Old Sac, then sat on a bench drinking our last beer and talking about Jarrad. The 4th was the anniversary of his death, and we both had a lot to say. It was so comforting. We got kicked out at 2:30 or so, because apparently Old Sac closes.

Now, I just need to pack and fix up my parent's house before I go. I've pretty much trashed it.

Living Poetry

Last night, we chased lightening on our bikes.

SPM

Hailey and I are now keeping track of how many of the guys we make out with have tattoos related to Morrissey.